I just had a radical thought: could I just accept the fact that I am inadequate? This seemingly goes against everything I have learned over the years through Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
Now, I absolutely love REBT. It has helped me where many other therapies have failed, yet I have been unable to practise unconditional self-acceptance. I think part of the problem is that for me to truly accept myself, rather than not rate myself at all, I need to factor in my deep-seated belief of inadequacy. You see, that belief and ‘I’, however defined, are all but indistinguishable. Essentially, this belief is the foundation stone of my world, so why attempt to factor it out as something irrational? Rather, I perhaps need to simply acknowledge that I am inadequate, and go from there.
Naturally, I’m going to have to sit with this for a while. It has literally just come to me, and I decided to put ‘pen to paper’ immediately.
It’s amazing, as I read over what I’ve just written I can almost hear the voices of those who will strongly disagree with my belief that I’m inadequate, and vehemently cite that the self is unrateable – which I agree with in theory. Yet theories don’t always stack up against subjective reality.
There’s a popular saying in 12 Step groups that insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. Well, I’ve been doing the same thing for a while now (i.e. trying not to rate myself, whilst at the same time accepting myself), seemingly without much success.
Maybe it’s time that I just accept that I am inadequate – embrace it, rather than fight or deny that. Right or wrong, rational or irrational, that’s what I truly, wholehearted believe!